Prince or pig?

Do you ever look at your girlfriend/partner/wife and think to yourself “I wonder what she sees in me?” Or maybe you think it’s so obvious that the question never even crosses your mind? But let us be realistic for a moment, blokes are horrible disgusting creatures, why on Earth do women want any of us? How many of you guys out there can honestly look at yourselves, puff your chest out and say, “Fuck me I’m a catch?”

The list of horrible things we do is both endless and baffling, for example, we are given a toilet to piss in, the target area a generous 12 inches in diameter so where does the piss end up!? Yes, of course, on the bloody floor! I am sure that even if it was the size of a football pitch the result would be just the same. I know of one guy who didn’t change his bed sheets for the best part of a year! Am pretty sure the only reason he finally had to was that the bloody things got up and walked out on their own in desperate search of a washing machine. Also, I did witness another foul cretin who first thing in the morning would scrape the gunge off his tongue with a 50p piece and smack his stiffened socks on the window sill in an effort to make them pliable. Filthy, filthy behaviour. Yet these guys still got girlfriends despite this Neanderthal behaviour, so were these ladies kind, forgiving creatures or just totally deranged? Anyway, survey time again. Here are the top 5 things that women find a total turn off in men, and I think there will be a couple here that will surprise you.

The Top 5 things that women find disgusting in men are;

5. Disloyalty. No surprise to find this one in here. However far back in time you look it would seem that men have held the ace card on this one. Obviously this isn’t all guys and not all women are perfect here but cheating is definitely something the male side of the species is more renowned for. I remember years ago a female friend of mine had even invented a saying for it, “have penis, will prowl,” which I remember thinking was a little harsh at the time but she certainly didn’t.

4. Poor dental hygiene. No surprises here, the whiff of dog breath and the sight of a row of snaggled brown stained teeth is not pleasant on anyone and let’s face it tooth brushes aren’t exactly expensive are they? I have often wonder why some blokes will spend a fortune on a flash BMW but walk round with a mouth of teeth that look like they were borrowed from a long dead camel.

3. Narcissist. I think this is something very true of a lot of young men I see these days strutting about like they are some kind of Billy Big bollocks. I really do believe that guys are considerably more vain now than they were twenty five years ago. Back then a hairy chest would never have been waxed, it would have been left to run riot and possibly even a medallion added for effect. But far worse, why oh why do blokes feel the need to have their under carriages waxed! How can you be that fucking obsessed with yourself that you think your tackle is an object of beauty, it’s a bloody cock for God’s sake! These are the sort of guys that are probably convinced that the poor females that administers the hair removal from their scrotums are very lucky girls.

2. Piss head. This one surprised me a little I must admit. I know a lot of women don’t like guys drinking loads because often this encourages the idiot within to surface, but I didn’t ever suspect it would be this high on the list of dislikes. Then again I have heard so many stories of guys coming home completely “wankered” and pissing in wardrobes and projectile vomiting from the marital bed that I suppose it was bound to be included.

1. Personal hygiene. And there you have it men, the women do not like you unwashed, so put away any thoughts that the aroma wafting from your armpits and arse crack will arouse the animal in her, it isn’t going to happen. A guy that smells like a prize winning polecat is not going to be pursued by the ladies however much of a charmer you consider yourself.

Also on the list but not quite charting were chauvinists, guys who fart endlessly and “grey jogging bottoms”. So honestly it has to be said, the bar is set pretty low really and it might be as simple as putting down those cans of premium larger, picking up that toothbrush and soap and who knows you could be the new George Clooney on the block.